It is surprising that “The art of inflicting Self-Doubt” is not included in the chathushashtiKalas!This art has propelled many to the top with less merit and people lacking the talent to understand this art are still living in an illusion that they are not good enough.
Doesn’t seem right to you? Read the conversation below and decide for yourself
Son: Dad we won the inter College Cricket tournament.
Dad: Great! Congratulations Son.
Son: Dad I am planning to pursue Cricket, can you please pay for coaching at the stadium?
Dad: See Son, You are getting carried away with what you are seeing on screen. Do you even have any idea how much hard work one has to put in, in order to make it into the national team?
Son: Dad! I captained my team towards victory today. If I keep working hard and get good coaching….I can!
Dad: But Son. Do you REALLY think that you have got that kind of TALENT to get into the national team??
Now, after THAT conversation you will never know if that boy could have ever made it!
If you can read in between lines of that conversation you can see a protective father who is trying to warn his son about the difficulties that his son’s choice may bring him in the future. But what he doesn’t understand is that he has inflicted self-doubt in his child, which the boy will never be able to overcome and carry with him all his life. Examples of self-doubt infliction are aplenty;
You might have asked for a new assignment at work where there will be more visibility and the first thing that you will hear from your manager is “Do you REALLY think you can handle that kind of work?”, Though you might have sloughed in that project for years and you have the ability and experience to handle that assignment, the comment from your manager will for sure make you doubt yourself. But it will take a trained mind to understand if that comment is your manager’s true concern or if he is just trying to sideline you.
You would have told your spouse that you want to start a business as a part-time hobby/work, it is highly probable that you hear something like, ”You really think you can make it?” or “At this age honey?”. These questions might be because they understand you thoroughly or it can also be due to their insecurities or their reservations about the financial implications. You will never know for sure!
You will often see such subtle ways of self-doubt inflicted in you, sometimes involuntarily and most of the time voluntarily. It is even tougher to understand if someone is trying to hamper your confidence or truly concerned about you.
It is important to understand what they are saying and what they exactly mean so that you won’t get affected by their comments. For that, there are only two things that you need to do from your end.
1.Keep evaluating your strengths and weaknesses on a regular basis without any veil of ego.
This will help you in being a better judge of anyone’s comment or suggestion. It will also improve your emotional quotient. And it will help you in setting new goals to work on yourself.
2.Remind yourself that you are the bigger person in the room and don’t let someone’s judgment affect you.
It is beneficial to heed to constructive criticism, but detrimental when you let any kind of criticism get on your nerves. Assure yourself that you are better than what anyone else would think of you.
These two steps will help you in not falling in the trap of self-doubt. Keep reiterating them in your mind every day because there are more people who are surviving the world’s competition by pulling down other people than people succeeding on their own merit.
Be open to others opinions, observe them, listen to what they are saying, and understand what is being left unsaid. And always remember you are better and stronger than anyone can ever imagine.