Dear women, we are stronger than we think. Some women are aware of why they chose to part and head out in a different direction, but some are not. Whatever may be the reason, we have to be prepared for the consequences. Life happens, people separate and move on. Soul relations cannot be explained, karmic connections can end abruptly.
Imagine you plan on taking a bus ride and a fellow passenger joins you, takes a seat beside you and promises to be there till your destination. Sometimes, you have to change your destination, sometimes your partner chooses to get off, sometimes you have to get off for your happiness. It doesn't mean you did not enjoy the journey or your journey ahead is going to be devastating.
Be prepared to get rid of some friends. Even if they are dear ones. People change-- expectation will land you in pain. some common friends are also under confusion of whose side to take, whom to support and it's their choice. When I went through my divorce as Indian girl I did not expect any of our common friends to take my side. India is a patriarchal society naturally they took my ex's side. It did not mean they don't like me anymore and I am sure it was a hard decision for them too. When you focus on yourself you increase your frequency naturally and people who do not match you, leave. So let go!
Don't Get Lost
We women are community builders naturally breaking anything is against our true essence. Whatever reason brought you on the path of divorce, stick to it you will definitely find your way. It is similar to the light at the end of a tunnel. Hang in there!
Sometimes parents and family don't support you on your decision. My parents, similar to millions of others in india were concerned about their reputation in society. The extended family's opinion was their primary focus. My happiness and personal growth was my choice. My parents' generations still believe in gluing broken mirror and continuing to see a bad image instead of replacing the mirror. We learn what not to be and do from our parents. We are like new models of technology- a version that they cannot understand sometimes. Accept them for who they are without quitting on self growth. People who walk with us in tough times are family.
No Looking Back:
Quit expecting that people, situations and relationships will return and stay stable. We let our mind stop, rewind and repeat the same story again and again in hope of fixing everything. Try to move on, instead of being stuck like a record player. Rewind and repeat is damaging to your mind and your self esteem. Accept that you cannot undo certain things. Instead explore yourself, maintain a positive attitude and let the universe give you the desired results.
If you have kids to support, be their strength. Do not take two steps ahead and three steps backwards. Many wait for kids to grow up and move out assuming it may affect their upbringing. In reality, your energy of negativity towards your spouse and constantly living in an unhappy surrounding affects kids emotionally. This leads to several other issues. Be honest with your kids and put the real picture out there. Our kids are better version of us; they have tools of wisdom. My kids had tough time going from one house to another but are happier knowing both me and my ex are happy in our lives, it shows them to find their happiness and not be selfish, or carry dogmatic beliefs.
The Future Is In Your Hands:
After I did my masters in healing therapy modality, I became aware that all that which is part of our journey can be changeable. if you do not like your present you can change it. Running on 'victim mode' ruins your beautiful life. Live everyday to better your life in some way instead of running on automated thinking. Relatives, parents, friends, coworkers, exes are all part of our lives for us to experience life. Our response to them make us who we need to be. Fake smile, feeling lonely, living as a defective piece can easily become your attitude. Direct your energy in uplifting yourself, get into new hobbies, explore the infinite potential in you. There is more to your life. Change your perspective.
Let Your Ex Go!
There are over six billion people on this earth; your ex is not the only one. Facebook searches, stalking and dragging your feet into your ex's matters repeatedly is useless.
I'm met with stares of outrage when I take my husband to Indian parties. I am constantly asked why I chose to be with an American man over my ex. The future is a mystery. Follow your heart and go where it takes you. Your life's story is for you to experience, explaining it to others is irrelevant.
In my experience, the Indian community has excess of this variety. These people love to make you feel like you have the worst lives of all they know. They extend their sympathy to you and your family and constantly imagine your life to be like an incapable wounded worm crawling on the ground. They assume that putting on a long face is the right response. Ignore them and their sorry faces!
Emphasize and focus on the most important person that is YOU. Embrace the new you, surround yourself with the happiness of life. Work on transformation emotionally, physically. What you think, you become. YOU can create your future!
You are the master of your life! Claim it, live it fully you deserve it! No compromises :)